I have a list of stupid things to do before my suicide. I keep going back, though. Making sure I did everything right.
1:Find out what it's like to forget about her.
2:Look at a sunrise, smile, and say "this is all for me."
3:Write my very own sestina.
4:Realize that this really is all for me.
5:Lie in bed every morning, and know that I should be doing something, but I'm not.
6:Be arrested for vandalizing a police station.
7:Learn how to play that damn accordion.
8:Realize that this really is all for me.
9:Understand that every moment has value, but only if we really look for it.
10:Kiss an elk.
11:Stand on an overpass, sing songs out of key, and drop holy water on cars tearing under me.
As I read back over my list, I've crossed out everything, except for the last item. I can't get myself to do it. It's been bothering me for days now.
12:Tell her I'm sorry.